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Saturday, July 28

Funday (22nd July) @ Sentosa!

Kevin see and children.

Audrey babe. Heli babe. Wanhui babe.

Carol and me!

Jie and me.

Mum. Audrey. Vinita. Me.

Gerald & Me

"Generosity expresses the simple wish that others should have what they need to make them happy."

Heli Dont ask me why 11:56 PM

Sunday, July 15

Surrender.

I'm giving you my dreams.
I'm laying down my rights.
I'm giving up my pride
for the promise of new life.

And i surrender, all to you. All to you.

I'm singing You this song.
I'm waiting at the cross.
And all the world holds dear, I count it all as loss

For the sake of knowing you
for the glory of Your name.
To know the lasting joy,
even sharing in Your pain.

Somethings in life, i hold so dearly to in my heart. Gifts from God, and in the midst of enjoying them all, we forgot about the one who gave it all. The more we enjoy, the more we hold on to them and fear crepts in about losing them all someday. Jie's blogpost wrote about that too.

I'm going through a lot of realization lately. Many a times, the same realizations over and over again -- trying to break down this stubborn walls inside of me. I want to have a breakthrough in whatever thoughts and feelings that is jamming up inside of me that at times i feel so suffocating. It brings me down. It makes me think that i'm bringing people around me down too.

Among all these reflections and thoughts and whatever, there were a lot of "I" issues. I find it so hard to push them away, and i know my life is in a pretty mess on the inside of me because Christ is not the centre of my life. I've to pivot things back rightly. I just got to do it. Fix my eyes upon Him, and not myself, not my needs.

And right here, i want to declare that no matter how messy my life is to me now, no matter what impressions you guys have out there as you are reading all this. Even as i sound contradicting one moment about how great i've said God is, and another moment so down and down again. I just want to say, i'm not constant. But God is. And He is always good and true. This is what i just really want to say.

Even as i have went through some real deep down sad feelings in my heart last week, and still wondering how i'm going to come out of all these that i'm feeling, I guess somewhere somehow i know things will be alright. Because He lives. yup..

Heli Dont ask me why 9:40 PM

Tuesday, July 10

i'm feeling sad.

i feel sad to know that a season of my life could be over soon. a season that i enjoyed and laughed along a lot. i'm feeling sad that it might be really ending soon. i think that when we hold on to things or people too much in our lives, we tend to fear the day when we will lose it all. Indeed, earthly things are temporary. There's a beginning and an end to everything. We might or would lose everything at the end of it all.

These days, i kept asking myself where have my joy gone to.
I kept trying to find it back but in vain.
Until today i realized, it could be that i've been always spending time looking for it, when actually i could have enjoy the joy thats always with me. (...lost?)

Will humans ever lose joy for a period of time? We will. But can we not? Is it possible to always be joyful no matter what is happening? I want to always be joyful, always be happy. I don't want to be down. Or.. is life just a sin curve. Can't i escape from sadness?

when will all these bleakness ever end..
its always the same issues over and over again.
one minute i thought i'm over and done with it.
the next moment, i'm tearing apart again.
i don't wanna get stuck. i don't wanna get stuck.

i want to move on..!

Heli Dont ask me why 9:03 PM

Sunday, July 1

His love is mine.

It was really beyond words. I don't know i just felt like tearing and tearing the minute i open my eyes after i had fallen down. the spirit of strive --- i had always try to strive in so many things for fear of losing what i have. But He assured me in His ways that i need not strive, He still loves me no matter what. His love is mine.

Today is indeed the first day of the 2nd half of the year. I shared with the cell last friday that even though the 1st of the year had seem so bleak to me, i want to claim that the next half of the year would be altogether a different experience. Yes indeed, today has kicked off something special. I thank God for that.

I had not been able to do much, connect much with many of you for the past 6 months. I think it was a lack of joy and it has just somehow disappeared without me realising till last month. But i know my days ahead will be exciting and i'm expecting something wonderful to come out of it all in the last months of 07. There will be joy and laughter. It will be different.

'Jesus said, "Because you have seen Me, you have believed. Those who believe without seeing are blessed." -John 20:29

I missed the encounter with God because i didn't make it to church camp. But today, God came and i encountered Him. =)

I could sing
I could smile
I could shout out loud. I'm in His love.

I could run
I could race
I could soar to the sky. His love is mine.

Heli Dont ask me why 9:59 PM

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